I have an inlaw problem.
My wife's brother and his wife- known for the rest of this diatrabe as BILW(brother in law's wife)- moved into my house with my wife, my daughter, my 65 year old mother in law and me in March from Tennessee. My brother in law and I have always gotten along very well, it's his wife that's causing problems in my home.
1. When they called saying that they were moving in, I expected them to bring their two dogs. Not only did she the dogs, but also unbeknowst to me a cat (I have allergies to cat hair) and 8 chickens (my brother in law and I hastily built a coop onto my barn).
2. My mother in law gave them the rooms we built for her years ago. Not 48 hours has gone by without BILW complaining how little space there is here. (They have a custom master bathroom, bedroom and an office)
3. My brother in law works seasonly as a flyfishing guide and is gone for at a minimum two weeks at a time. When he's gone, she hides in her rooms and only comes out for food or to check on her chickens. She does a minimal amount of interacting with us.
4. She grocery shops only for herself and occasionally her husband. When she comes out to eat what we have prepared for supper, she turns her nose up at what we have prepared, puts some on a plate and retreats to her rooms. The rest of us have a sit down supper every night.
5. Whe BILW prepares something to eat, she offers nothing to us, which doesn't really bother me but she does not even bother to offer my impressionable 6 year old. She takes up half of the fridge with her stuff and flips out if anyone eats knowingly or unknowingly her food. My wife and I raise our daughter to always share what she has and I fear that this behavior will confuse her.
6. We she does laundry, she only does her own and it takes two days to do a week's worth. It takes me/my wife two days to wash clothes weekly for the four of us. Instead of setting up her drying rack in her rooms, she puts it in the middle of the kitchen with all of her undergarments - many of which I do not want my daughter to see. I've asked her to move this out of sight, to no avail.
7. My wife and I are modest people. While we have tattoos from our younger, devil-may-care days, and we wear clothing that do not reveal them. Do you think BILW would pick up on this family norm? Nope. She always wears revealing tank tops. I've asked many times to change only to be rebuffed with being called prude and old-fashioned.
8. BILW does nothing to help out around the house. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days "soaking" until either my wife or mother in law can not stand it and wash them. She may clean her rooms - I hear vacuuming almost daily - but never offers to clean anywhere else. She does nothing outside that benefits the household. I expect her to pick up her dogs' messes and weed whack their pen. She always "forgets". After a month, I go out there and pick up a month's worth of mess and weed whacks. When I do this, she screams that I am doing this to make her look bad and lazy.
9. BILW does not act like that a small kid lives here. She leaves kitchen knives, opened cat food cans and lids, and bottles of poisonous cleaning agents within my daughter's reach. Whenever I ask her to take care of this stuff, she rolls her eyes, sighs and mutters something to the effect I am being overprotective.
10. They contribute nothing to the household bills. BILW also complains that I do not use the AC enough in the family room and living room and the house in unbearibly hot. She complains when I turn off the lights in rooms that she is not using.
Now I would've tossed BILW and regrettably BIL out but I would pay for this for years. Years ago, my wife and BILW had words resulting in no communication between her and her BIL for three years. The only reason communication started again was because of a death in the family. We're afraid if anyone blows up at BILW, she'll force my brother in law to move and we'll never see nor hear from them for years again. If that happens my wife, daughter, and mother in law would be crushed.
Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.
Jay
My wife's brother and his wife- known for the rest of this diatrabe as BILW(brother in law's wife)- moved into my house with my wife, my daughter, my 65 year old mother in law and me in March from Tennessee. My brother in law and I have always gotten along very well, it's his wife that's causing problems in my home.
1. When they called saying that they were moving in, I expected them to bring their two dogs. Not only did she the dogs, but also unbeknowst to me a cat (I have allergies to cat hair) and 8 chickens (my brother in law and I hastily built a coop onto my barn).
2. My mother in law gave them the rooms we built for her years ago. Not 48 hours has gone by without BILW complaining how little space there is here. (They have a custom master bathroom, bedroom and an office)
3. My brother in law works seasonly as a flyfishing guide and is gone for at a minimum two weeks at a time. When he's gone, she hides in her rooms and only comes out for food or to check on her chickens. She does a minimal amount of interacting with us.
4. She grocery shops only for herself and occasionally her husband. When she comes out to eat what we have prepared for supper, she turns her nose up at what we have prepared, puts some on a plate and retreats to her rooms. The rest of us have a sit down supper every night.
5. Whe BILW prepares something to eat, she offers nothing to us, which doesn't really bother me but she does not even bother to offer my impressionable 6 year old. She takes up half of the fridge with her stuff and flips out if anyone eats knowingly or unknowingly her food. My wife and I raise our daughter to always share what she has and I fear that this behavior will confuse her.
6. We she does laundry, she only does her own and it takes two days to do a week's worth. It takes me/my wife two days to wash clothes weekly for the four of us. Instead of setting up her drying rack in her rooms, she puts it in the middle of the kitchen with all of her undergarments - many of which I do not want my daughter to see. I've asked her to move this out of sight, to no avail.
7. My wife and I are modest people. While we have tattoos from our younger, devil-may-care days, and we wear clothing that do not reveal them. Do you think BILW would pick up on this family norm? Nope. She always wears revealing tank tops. I've asked many times to change only to be rebuffed with being called prude and old-fashioned.
8. BILW does nothing to help out around the house. She leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days "soaking" until either my wife or mother in law can not stand it and wash them. She may clean her rooms - I hear vacuuming almost daily - but never offers to clean anywhere else. She does nothing outside that benefits the household. I expect her to pick up her dogs' messes and weed whack their pen. She always "forgets". After a month, I go out there and pick up a month's worth of mess and weed whacks. When I do this, she screams that I am doing this to make her look bad and lazy.
9. BILW does not act like that a small kid lives here. She leaves kitchen knives, opened cat food cans and lids, and bottles of poisonous cleaning agents within my daughter's reach. Whenever I ask her to take care of this stuff, she rolls her eyes, sighs and mutters something to the effect I am being overprotective.
10. They contribute nothing to the household bills. BILW also complains that I do not use the AC enough in the family room and living room and the house in unbearibly hot. She complains when I turn off the lights in rooms that she is not using.
Now I would've tossed BILW and regrettably BIL out but I would pay for this for years. Years ago, my wife and BILW had words resulting in no communication between her and her BIL for three years. The only reason communication started again was because of a death in the family. We're afraid if anyone blows up at BILW, she'll force my brother in law to move and we'll never see nor hear from them for years again. If that happens my wife, daughter, and mother in law would be crushed.
Not really looking for advice, just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.
Jay
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